A Season for the Spirit: Keeping the Spirit at Arm's Length

Spirit who filled Jesus, no wonder I shy away from the mystery of your indwelling! The moment I consent to your living and moving in me, and trust you, the numbness I have relied on to get through life begins to wear off. Give me the faith to be vulnerable to the joy the Father has in me through my union with Jesus the Beloved. Give me the courage to share the pain of the world which is so far from its home and center, the Living God.
- Martin L. Smith

Who is the Spirit to you? Is the Spirit remote from reality like an attic of mystical, stored-away teachings? Again, is a true spiritual, wilderness experience driven by the Spirit only reserved for the elite among us? Is the numbness to the Spirit actually a resistance that tries to keep the the Spirit at arm's length?

My son's room is a wreck right now. As I try to get him ready for school, I undoubtebly began to get agitated at the extreme mess of it. I knew that if we did not get in there before Christmas and clean things up, send things to Goodwill, and throw useless items away; it would come back to haunt us. As a result, I am embarrassed to allow his neighbor friend into our house. Things must be cleaned up before any unexpected guests arrive.

Our life and journey with the Spirit is similar to this. Our resistance to the full access of the Spirit is due to our shame of the Spirit seeing our inner rooms. "Inner rooms from which even our own conscious minds are barred." And when the Spirit's presence is beginning to make itself known we feel as if, in Paul Claudel's words, "an undesired lodger has moved in, one who does not hesitate to rearrange the chairs according to his taste, to drive nails into the walls and, if necessary, even to saw up the furniture when he is cold and needs a fire."

We are taught from birth that we are autonomous; we have complete ownership of ourselves. But in reality we are beggers. We can't even pray like we should because of all the rooms that need to be examined and cleaned. As a result, the Spirit prays within me "with sighs too deep for words." Throughout my life I have had many, many articulate, meaningful, sincere experiences through prayer. And then I walk away believing that the prayers were my own.

I could choose to get stuck in the shame of it. I could wallow in self-loathing and say "what is the use?" This would lead directly to the anesthetic that often overtakes our love for God and the world. But there is a better option for all of us.

We could surrender ourselves to the Spirit. Sound idealistic doesn't it? Admit it, that is what came to your mind, right? Just religioius speak as always.

That is resistance sounding its alarm. Anesthesia.

And we know that the Spirit of God is having his way with us when the anesthetic begins to wear off. We then become vulnerable to God's love (joy) and the condition of the world (pain). So let us pray, not relying on our own strength, but on the Spirit who prays within us.